Abyssal Starlight

[Abyssal Starlight]

[wannabesugarboi]

[howieduet]

Seeing and knowing

[teaboot]

okay but like. This exact concept is what finally got me to be open about being queer in my day to day.

I was at work. I can't go into detail about the situation, but someone was outed without their consent. And nobody was saying anything, and it was quiet, so I outed myself, too. So at least neither of us would be alone.

I was worried about the consequences. I'd never considered my identity a secret, but I wasn't open about it, either. It felt like it wasn't relevant to my job. If someone asked, I'd tell them, but otherwise, what did it matter?

After the incident, I met privately with a higher up. Told them what had happened and why it wasn't good, and made some suggestions on what to do in the future to keep everyone safe to be in the closet or out of it on their own terms.

To my absolute amazement, they told me that others had come forwards anonymously to say the same things. Then word spread. Meetings were had. Policy and procedures were put in place. A training course on gender and sexuality was implemented for the very first time.

And of course there were protests- people who dug in their heels and kicked up a fuss and didn't want to learn about "all that bullshit", and when those people showed their colors, their superiors realized that they weren't actually good representatives of the sort of environment they wanted to provide our clients, and a small number were actually let go.

I went to a meeting again the other week. And do you know what happened?

The meeting lead introduced themselves by name and pronouns, and asked everyone to please state their name, and, if they wished, theirs as well.

I was near the front. I introduced myself with He/Him. I thought I'd stand out like a sore thumb and feel like an idiot for hoping for better.

Two people down, someone introduced themselves as They/Them. Someone I'd never spoken much to before.

Then, She/they. At least two "anything fine"s. A he/her.

It was incredible. And it wasn't even a whole year ago.

There are so many of us, now. Even more, as we teach and learn about ourselves, and it's not so scary because there are others like us.

I'm not as loud and proud as I hope to be some day, because I'm still scared, a little, but I am here.

And I've learned that being openly queer isn't about just expressing myself for the sake of it, bringing personal details into places it doesn't matter-

-it's about telling someone, it's not just you. I'm in your corner. There are more of us than they think. There is power in numbers, and you are not alone.

And I kind of love that

[Abyssal Starlight]

[pinkpiggy93]

The first moment of splendor

I made this one based on the first scene of season 2 and this made me believe that Aziraphale fell in love the moment he met Crowley while Crowley at this point was just full of awe and wonder as he created the galaxy. I noticed that Az somehow copied some of Crowley’s manerism, just bubly and cheerful, or perhaps the wing cover later, back in season 1, was Aziraphale returning Crowley’s kind gesture at the very beginning, this moment.

In any case i love love love it, soooo many good moments in this season. What are your thoughts?

[Abyssal Starlight]

[actual-changeling]

no i am not done with the breakup scene yet. it haunts me during the day and it haunts my dreams, soon i will be able to replay it in my head on command. today's obsession: tell me you said no

firstly, i think it's important to point out just how deep the miscommunication runs here. aziraphale is excited, outright giddy about the news he is delivering, and he expects crowley to be just as happy about them.

after all, he thinks he is giving crowley what he has always wanted - they can go off together, he can be an angel again, which to zira equals being on the good side. the side of *light*. he remembers crowley's creation, remembers how in awe and happy he was with it, and thinks that is what he is offering.

aziraphale's expressions during this scene are probably gonna be their own post, but long story short he switches between excited and confused like a broken light switch, unable to decide which one to settle on.

crowley, well, crowley is angry. angry and confused and completely caught off guard because aziraphale is shaking the very foundation of what crowley currently thinks to be their relationship. the horror dawns on him pretty early, but he tries to fight it off, tries to convince himself that no, aziraphale wouldn't. he wouldn't agree to that, he KNOWS me. he knows i don't want to go back, he knows both sides are equally bad.

tell me you said no. tell me i wasn't wrong about you, about us. tell me i didn't misjudge our entire relationship. tell me the last millennia were worth something, anything.

tell me you said no.

if you rewatch the scene, you will notice that crowley never breaks eye contact, he stares aziraphale down the entire time. unless it was literally blink and you will miss it, i am pretty sure he does not even blink. not once. aziraphale on the other hand is looking everywhere but at him, his gaze flicks around just as much as his expression. crowley tries again, one last time. tells him you know they will both destroy this planet, humanity, us. it doesn't matter which side wins, the result will be the same. we KNOW that. we SAW that. we stopped it from happening.

aziraphale does not answer.

he does not have to. crowley can read him well enough to know exactly what he responded, and even if he couldn't - he knew from the beginning. he just cannot believe the answer. he still can't.

it's one of his fatal flaws, isn't it, believing in aziraphale and in them against every rule and threat the universe throws at them.

now to get to the part that breaks my heart.

crowley repeats himself again, not breaking eye contact while aziraphale tries to avoid his gaze.

tell me you said no.

he still hopes. after that entire conversation, he still hopes.

when the silence stays unbroken he steps towards him, asking one. last. time.

angel tell me you said no.

this. this frame. this is when the realization hits him full force, the truth he has been trying to talk and rationalize his way out of. he has been begging aziraphale to tell him that he did not betray him, them.

everything he has been fighting for the last six thousand years, all the thoughts telling him he is worth less than aziraphale because he fell, because he is a demon, evil, on the wrong side. everything he has been unlearning, accepting that he can be kind, he can be good. accepting that aziraphale cares about him, fuck, maybe even loves him.

crowley thought aziraphale is the one being that sees him, truly sees him, which is why he offers himself without his glasses - his last layer of protection.

he betrayed us. he has never been with me, we have never been on our side, not when he chooses heaven over the fragile, peaceful existence they have carved out for themselves. he took care of the bookshop, allowed zira to take his bentley, cleaned up and tidied and prepared it for his return, for the both of them. just to get all of it thrown into his face, to have it degraded as not good enough. to have HIMSELF degraded as not good enough.

and after all that. after that realization, the pain, the break in what he thought was their reality.

after aziraphale telling him that he plans on leaving earth and wants crowley to be someone he is.

crowley swallows his tears and he steps back, keeps his glasses off and continues with his confession anyway. his voice breaks several times throughout it, he is on the verge of crying. i will probably make a separate post about all that but once again, tldr he suppresses tears throughout his entire speech.

i want to spend eternity with you and he cannot say it because he knows he would break on eternity and start crying. somehow, crowley still hopes that maybe this will change his mind, this will make him realize that he needs to stay here, stay with me.

crowley hopes and hopes and hopes and aziraphale finally meets his gaze and all he responds is nothing lasts forever.

no, i don't suppose it does.

still, what is left but to keep hoping that maybe one day, they will be an us, even if it isn't forever. even if it's just one day, one kiss, one second of being held and kissed back.

crowley keeps hoping and that, to me, is the most painful part of it all.

[Abyssal Starlight]

[aheavenofhell]

I feel like some may be deliberately ignoring the “but I don’t want to go back to Heaven” line and lemme explain why it’s important.

Aziraphale is offered this promotion to supreme archangel, right? By the Metatron himself. This is a VERY big deal, EXTREMELY serious. This is word directly from the Almighty.

And his first reaction is to refuse (something that doesn’t exactly align with the whole “Aziraphale is a manipulator” idea).

Aziraphale refuses the Metatron until the Metatron makes it explicitly clear that he can bring Crowley with him.

This is important, because Aziraphale chose to defy Heaven in S1 for Earth, for humans. While Crowley’s company may have had a part in it, really who’s to say they couldn’t just find another way to hang out when eternity started? His motivations in S1 didn’t revolve solely around Crowley.

The Aziraphale in S2, however, is ready to surrender life on Earth with just a singular condition. This is a big leap from where he was in S1, denying he and Crowley were even friends, to S2, where he is ready to admit that he needs him. That their relationship is more than a mutually beneficial arrangement or the result of having no other immortals to converse with.

So why the “rejection”?

Well, first off I think it’s a bit unfair to call it a rejection. For it to be a rejection, they would have to turn down the idea of their relationship. They didn’t, they just disagreed on the terms of that relationship.

Second, although Aziraphale has made these significant character developments, he is still Aziraphale. Naive, and under the impression that he can make things better for everyone—including Crowley. It could be just like old times, but even better. His motive here was not to fundamentally change who Crowley is, but to move them into a situation where they are safe to be together and he can feel like he has a purpose.

I don’t know if Crowley actually thinks Aziraphale wants to change him or not. I can definitely see that being a thing, but it’s not actually brought up. Instead, Crowley reminds him what Heaven is actually like—the reason he doesn’t want to be there. Not just because he can’t, but because he doesn’t want to.

The lack of compromise here ends up making sense from both sides. Aziraphale functions the way someone who grew up deeply religious and just can’t quite pry away from their faith does. Constantly ashamed, justifying the actions of an unjust God, unable to find meaning outside of what he’s been taught is the meaning. A recipe for self loathing, for always going back because it’s all you know, of course you still pray every night, long after you’ve stopped going to church. Ask a fundamentalist Christian if Abraham would’ve been justified in killing Isaac, and when they answer ask why. You will sample some of what I am talking about.

In contrast, Crowley has completely broken off from that illusion. His own moral code is more important to him than Heaven or Hells’. He has spent thousands of years trying to get Aziraphale to see through the manipulative tactics that keep him in check. He watches Aziraphale torment himself with this idea of goodness, what it is and how he has to represent it. And by the end of S2, he is still stuck in that same rut.

Neil utilized the metaphor of an abusive relationship (Nina/Lizzy, Aziraphale/Heaven) but whichever way you look at it, it’s the same. Psychological conditioning designed to break down the spirit into obedience.

And despite all this, despite the fact that Aziraphale is actively clawing his way through processing all of this trauma on his own, he still doesn’t give in to Heaven before he’s promised Crowley.

He goes back, yes. But there was no character regression. It was still development. He’s just not all the way there yet.

There would be no S3 if he was.

[Abyssal Starlight]

[fictionisthebetterreality]

*Deep Breath* Ok SO -

Can we talk about how *chefs kiss* perfect Aziraphale's line of "I forgive you" was after the kiss? There was the whats-going-to-happen-now pause after it, and then - well, what else would he say? It's Aziraphale, and the kiss wasn't nice, it wasn't 'we've realised our feelings for each other and are now acting on them in a mutual moment of love' it was 'you're hurting me by leaving and if you aren't listening to what I'm saying, then I'll show you how much you've hurt me because this is going to hurt you too. If you won't give us this moment then I'll take it'.

And equally Crowleys "don't bother" - I was really expecting in the pause between him walking to the door and marching back for the kiss to say "I'm not an angel", but I think it wasn't even necessary in the end because that's what we were all thinking anyway - Crowley saying "don't bother" just really drove that point home because he's not an angel, he hasn't been an angel for millennia and we can almost see him thinking - how can Aziraphale not realise that? "Of course you said no to hell, they're the bad guys!" he says but he doesn't seem to realise that that includes Crowley, and that just adds to the hurt and betrayal because how could he ever think Crowley would want to be an Angel again when he so clearly isn't one?

The last episode of this show turned me absolutely feral and I can already feel the angst-no-comfort fic brewing.

[Abyssal Starlight]

[themoonmothwrites]

Here's the thing though right. What if Crowley didn't actually realize he was in love? He projects his very own "fall in love" scenario (sheltering from the rain) onto Maggie and Nina, but when Nina suggests that they're an item he looks quietly dumbstruck. He doesn't even think to say anything until the others tell him he needs to. We all know he fell in love on the walls of Eden, but I don't think he *does*.

And then Aziraphale, who takes longer to get there, gets his revelation when Crowley saves his books. He's known how he feels since 1941, with all the fear and quiet devastation that goes with it. And now, now that they're free, he's ready. He wants to move on with Crowley, he touches and flirts and dances and says "our car". He's *ready*. And he's trying to show it the best way he knows how.

But Crowley doesn't know. Crowley who's loved him so well from the very beginning, DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT'S LOVE HE'S FEELING, and he doesn't understand what Aziraphale's been trying to tell him. And now he's alone.

[books-and-omens]

So I have also been thinking about this, and yeah this season really brings up a question of... how self-aware Crowley has been all this time.

Because the “it certainly looks like that from here” from Nina and his reaction to it (marked by the music as a Significant Moment) suggest that, perhaps, he is only now mapping human love onto what Aziraphale and he have both fallen into.

[themoonmothwrites]

Thissss 😭😭😭

[amuseoffyre]

Crowley always has known he wants to spend all his time with his best and dearest friend. But human stuff is for humans so how can it possibly be the same for an angel and a demon?

Only... only for an angel and a demon who are so intrinsically bound up with humanity, who love it there, who live like humans, who do all the human things, how could it not be?

And Aziraphale has realised and been there for years. From the end of S1 and for all of S2, he’s making the moves. The little touches, the leaning in closer, acting like they’re already together and Crowley isn’t reacting like he is. “I thought we carved it out for ourselves.”

Aziraphale has always been a big romantic, all about the love and has been gazing at Crowley with yearning for so long. He’s figured it out but Crowley, poor Crowley who only has one person in all the world, hasn’t joined the dots.

[a-zira-fell]

Plus, perhaps a bit of a stretch, Aziraphale being able to identify love is a big thing in S1. Aziraphale knows what love feels like.

I think Crowley doesn't know that at all. Maybe he didn't feel the love in Tadfield because he didn't know what to look for (feel for?) or maybe because thats what being in Aziraphale's presence always feels like for him. Why would The Big Local Feeling Of Love there feel any different to The Big Personal Feelig Of Love that surrounds Aziraphale (I would think in general, but specifically, perhaps more so when Crowley is there).

[amuseoffyre]

It would also track with that quote about Anathema not being able to see Adam’s aura in season one. 

Crowley can’t see love for the same reason someone in Time’s Square can’t see America: because he’s right in the middle of it.

[Abyssal Starlight]

[xxlifeisjustadreamxx]

I was discussing this with some friends and thought I would share with you guys.

Sure, that final episode was probably the saddest thing since the creation of the all-denim look back in the late 90's. But I think it really paints a great journey for the next season for a lot of reasons but the one I'm gonna be talking is:

Aziraphale takes Crowley for granted.

Now, I don't mean this in a bad way. I think most of us have also taken the people we love the most for granted. I see that happen mostly with families: we argue a lot, we can be so cruel to them sometimes, but we feel more comfortable doing that to them than with other people because we believe they'll love us and be there no matter what.

Now, throughout both seasons we've seen innumerous moments from Aziraphale that show us precisely that.

Crowley has rescued Aziraphale too many times to count. Aziraphale himself has revealed that, in a way, he lets him rescue him because "it makes him so happy." This season Crowley has also said to Aziraphale during the whole demon attack, before he came out of the bookshop, something along the lines of "I'll come back, I'm not leaving you on your own." and when he takes Maggie and Nina out of the bookshop later he asks "Can you handle this?".

Then there's also their disagreements. I get the feeling that, because they've had so many through the ages and everything ends up alright in the end, Aziraphale knows Crowley will come back to him eventually after they argue.

At the scene in the coffee shop, Crowley tells Aziraphale that he calls either because he's bored, he did something clever he wants to share before he pops, or something's wrong (which in a way also shows that Crowley can't believe that Aziraphale does that simply because he matters so much to him, but I digress). Aziraphale knows that no matter the reason, Crowley is always gonna answer his calls, he's always gonna be there to listen to him.

On the other hand, Crowley has become increasingly dependent on Aziraphale. He is miserable when they are angry at each other, he's happier when he's with Aziraphale and he has come to a point where he can't say no to the angel. And this only fuels Aziraphale's behaviour and vice versa.

In the last episode we see Crowley saying no. Aziraphale seems to not really take it that seriously and keeps on talking about it and trying to convince him of coming with him. Crowley keeps saying no. Aziraphale sort of behaves like he knows that eventually Crowley will say yes. Crowley keeps saying no. Now Aziraphale is getting frustrated because this isn't how things usually go. And then Crowley says his final no and goes away.

This isn't how it usually goes. I mean, yes, they have gone their own separate ways before and Crowley always comes back but Aziraphale knows this time is final. It feels final.

That being said, they need to grow. They need to grow on their own so they can then grow together.

Both of these lovely idiots who I hold very dearly to my heart need to learn about all this on their own so then, when they get back together, and yes they will, but I'm sure it will be way more meaningful this time, they can love each other better.

[Abyssal Starlight]

[ev-belknap]

RIGHT, Good Omens folks, let’s talk blocking: the art of where you put your actors within the scene, in relation to others.

Season 1, Aziraphale is always on the right side, and Crowley is always on his left side. The only exceptions to this is in the Bentley, because of the steering wheel, and on the park bench during the switch.

Aziraphale expects Crowley to appear on his left too. At the Ark he still turns right when he feels an ethereal presence, only to turn left right away. Present day, when he’s eating sushi and Gabriel appears, he smiles, turns *left*, instantly realises it’s not that kind of ethereal visit, turns right with a bit of a panic.

Aziraphale right, Crowley left. Always. Right?

Season 2 switches this up. By a LOT.

[[MORE]]

It starts moment one in the coffee shop, blink and you’ll miss it: Aziraphale is sitting down, senses Crowley, *turns left*, only for Crowley to walk around the table *right*, and sit down. It’s a tiny moment, but it speaks so loudly on… well, Aziraphale’s assumptions. Which he has a lot of.

Everything is Meant. Douglas is too brilliant for this to be random. And it happens… so often?

I also find it very interesting that they added moments in history where Crowley is on the right side. Most particularly one where he definitely is *on* the moral right side. (‘Poverty is good actually’, really Aziraphale?)

Then there’s this scene, which, the Job flashback deserves a whole essay onto its own…

Then there’s the the fact that Crowley is always on Shax’s right, and she is always on his left.

And then there’s this!

Muriel is *always* on Crowley’s left.

It’s almost as if things aren’t as black and white as the system would want you to believe, ey, angel?

Bonus: Gabriel and Beelzebub start off their meetings on opposite sides of the table. They end sitting on the same side.

Anyhoo I love this show a VERY NORMAL AMOUNT please feel free, always, to scream at me about it.

[Abyssal Starlight]

[dear-ao3]

friends romans and countrymen alike i have one hell of a story for you.

this morning i was scrolling through the silly little reels on my instagram for you page, as one does, and about a good 45 minutes into this i got recommended a candle company that puts (supposedly) real diamonds in their candles.

and in my still somewhat half asleep glory i thought "this sounds absolutely ridiculous, what do i have to lose" and clicked on the website.

upon clicking on said website i was given a 10% off code that i had to use within 15 minutes so basically my mind was already made up and i decided to text brad.

so with what was probably brads approval i scrolled through the silly little website as fast as i could and decided to stick to the more classic scents since i didnt want to be stuck with something that smelled bad (although "wap" and "i hate my boss" did intrigue me briefly) and i went with "tobacco bourbon" because thats always a decent combo.

and then in a last minute decision i decided to also get "chai tea" because it sounded interesting and who knows maybe the diamonds are real.

the court should note that i did absolutely zero research on this company.

and with my 10% off on top of whatever massive sale they were having the total plus shipping came to $63.86.

brad was also very excited about this purchase and said that if the diamonds were real he may put them in my engagement ring.

so now all thats left is to wait 2-5 business days for my candles to get delivered. i have absolutely zero expectations. stay tuned.

[dear-ao3]

an update

it has been a grand total of 7 days since i ordered said candles. my credit card charge has changed from pending to processed, so i assume that it has been shipped. i do not think they have arrived, however i do have 2 packages at the post office i have to go pick up

[dear-ao3]

we have confirmation that the candles have been delivered and i will try to go and pick them up today

[dear-ao3]

candles have been retrieved

they were shipped in this very nondescript box with branded tape

it is 97 degrees today so i hope they are not melted

[dear-ao3]

alright so. the candles have not exploded. more detailed update later after homework.

[dear-ao3]

update

*for legal reasons, these candles were never in my dorm room or were burned in my dorm room*

@undercover-vampire and i unboxed the candles

the tobacco bourbon candle smelled very good actually but the chai one smelled like a craft store from september-december, which is to say, very strongly of artificial cinnamon

the candles are pretty large, about 3 inches across and 4 inches high and are in good quality glass jars

the chai one had melted a little in transit because there was melted (and still melted) wax all over the outside of the jar. but it’s been ridiculously hot so i wouldn’t put that on the company.

the tobacco candle (on bottom) had a very off center wick (tho both were off centered). this happens sometimes with hand poured candles, but it was still odd

each candle comes with this scratch off code thing that links to a certificate of the diamond inside, which is cool

i decided to put the chai candle in the freezer and freeze the wax out of it because i hated the smell and burn the tobacco one.

more updates to come

[dear-ao3]

update

i burned the tobacco bourbon candle for around 10 hours and it has a very clean burn, no exploding, but it did pop a little bit ( that was my fault tho cause i didn’t trim the wick ) and if the wick wasn’t off center it would be a 10/10 candle. no sign of the diamond yet

the chai tea candle was in the freezer for about 24 hours and i was able to tap the bottom of it twice and the candle popped out of the glass and revealed the wrapped diamond

i attacked the wax with a pair of scissors for a few minutes to get the vial out

and then i washed off the vial cause it was covered in wax

the diamond is in that little plastic bag. and yes, it is a little diamond.

i scratched off the code on the side of the candle to get the certificate

so if the diamond is real it’s a .03 carat vs1 diamond worth about 26 dollars, i paid 29.99 for the candle

[dear-ao3]

update

i have been burning the tobacco bourbon candle for three days at minimum 5 hours per day. the candle claims to be 100% soy wax, but brad is very sensitive to paraffin and other artificial waxes and started coughing pretty badly every time he was in my room for an extended period of time. we deduced that it was caused by the candle not being 100% soy wax.

he is upset that i “tried to poison him” (which is understandable and i put on my diffuser and humidifier with air cleaning solution and opened the window and gave him cough syrup so he’s definitely fine, but still holding my questionable candle purchasing over me head and rightfully so). so if you’re sensitive to artificial wax i don’t recommend this

we have decided that i will keep burning the candle for the experiment, but for shorter periods while he is not here with the window open and the air cleaning thing on

[dear-ao3]

update

it has been 2 days and brad is still coughing from the candle (and no its not the plague he took three covid tests and they were all negative)

also the package does not say 100% soy wax it says premium soy wax (which is definitely a lie. brad has several soy wax candles and does not have a reaction to them. this one is definitely made of paraffin or something else synthetic because apparently he gets severe reactions to that kind of wax) (also i would not have bought the candle if it said it was made from synthetic wax)

after listening to brad cough for what is now probably 4-5 days and having scoured a sketchy gas station for cough drops, i have decided it would be a bad idea to continue burning the candle. but i would not abandon my diamond experiment so quickly. so i texted the one person i know that has little regard for their general health and safety: @undercover-vampire

and so it was decided. katya will take the candle and when diamond appears i will get them something slutty in return. you see kids, this is why you accidently get your tumblr mutuals to come to your college.

updates to come.

[dear-ao3]

and an important update from the one and only brad himself @dear-brads-blog

[dear-ao3]

update

we went to brads house this weekend and his mom was upset by the fact that he is coughing, tho she didnt necessarily think it was from a candle. she did give him about 65 remedies tho, including tea, gargling with salt water and nyquill. he is still coughing and in his stubborn glory refuses to do anything more about it.

@undercover-vampire is coming to get the candle tonight to finish burning it

i have still been airing out my room because being in my room makes brad cough more

i emailed the company's customer service

i could have made it a lot more detailed, but didnt want to come off as a karen or anything. we will see what they say.

[dear-ao3]

update

brad went to the health center on campus and they tested him for covid, strep, bronchitis and mono and it was none of those things. they think its a viral infection from the candle and he could be fucked for up to 2 more weeks. if it gets worse then hes really fucked. we do not want him to be really fucked.

at the end of my night class i convinced my friend to take me to target, except my professor held me 25 minutes late because he has terrible time management and we had to target speedrun before they closed. I was so stressed that i left my phone in my friends car when we went in but i got brad all kinds of stuff to make the cough not as coughy (because he is too stubborn to do it himself). and, fellow romans, my friend was mildly (or perhaps severely) concerned about me cause i was mid break down looking frantically for lemon juice, and saying that this was the only time ive ever gone to target and not looked at the price of anything. then i got carded for buying vicks spray and almost accidentally stole some lemons.

@undercover-vampire came to my room to get rid of the accursed candle and said that if they start to die from it then we will be forced to freeze the wax out. this seems like a very good compromise.

i gave brad his stuff and he only insisted we return 4 of the things (which is decent) and he nearly cried over the soup i got him. this candle has put me through the 5 stages of grief.

then i vaccumed the entire box of baking soda that i had sprinkled off my carpet and swiffered and febreezed the fuck out my room. its really good that it worked cause my carpet looked like i had dumped crack all over it and i dont want to have to do that again.

and it paid off cause brad came in and sniffed my room and didnt immediately die of coughs

more updates to come

[dear-ao3]

update

brad is still very much dying. if he was in victorian times he would have two feet in the grave.

@undercover-vampire has lit the demon candle

this was then followed by:

in addition, brad emailed all of his professors and res life the following email:

updates to come

[dear-ao3]

and another update from brad himself @dear-brads-blog

the way to a himbos heart is with soup aparently

[dear-ao3]

friends and romans we have exciting news

does it sound like a robot wrote it? kind of. is the stay safe part a little ridiculous given the circumstances? absolutely. but at least we got a response

here is my refund:

so they refunded me less than the cost of one of the candles, which is a little annoying, but at least it is something. im actually impressed they gave me anything because their site outlines a pretty strict return policy of 5 days within receiving your candle and no refunds once the sticker with the diamond code is scratched off. part of me wonders if there is someone from the company following along with this saga and that's why i got a refund...im onto yall...

and if they are reading this post, shout out to marry for deciding that my boyfriends lungs are worth $23.91

[dear-ao3]

a much anticipated candle saga update cause no i definitely didnt forget about this

the candle has, unfortunately, but also to absolutely no ones surprise, fucked up @undercover-vampire. but instead of making them cough violently, they started sneezing and "passing out more than usual." so we are currently trying to figure out if we know any other poor unfortunate souls who do not care about their general health and safety or wellbeing who want to be part of the experiment. i also still have to go retrieve the candle from them.

and brad is still coughing, its better, but still not good. he went back to the health center and the nurses think it gave him acid reflux and gave him basically tums in a little orange pill bottle that doesnt close very well.

brad also does not want to put the diamonds in my engagement ring anymore so idk what were gonna do with them. i was considering posting them on ebay and auctioning them off to you all.

he also is requiring our wedding vows to contain "i vow to never poison you with a silly candle i bought off of instagram again" and if i do we are getting divorced. i suppose this is fair.

[dear-ao3]

friends romans and fellow countrymen

i have exciting news

we have found a volunteer to be demon candle's guardian!!! how fun!!!!

its @femme--de--lettres and they have so graciously decided to get poisoned by the candle on behalf of my silly saga

the candle will be mailed Soon once they sign a waiver

[dear-ao3]

update, the waiver has been sent to @femme--de--lettres (brad helped with some embellishments)

the candle has also been shipped and i know this is counterintuitive since the waiver has yet to be signed, but i had to mail it on friday and i know it wont actually get shipped until monday cause of when mail pickup is. they also claimed they sent me the tracking info but they did not. gotta love a campus post office.

not really sure why they mailed it priority mail one day. that seems rather silly and i definitely didnt ask for that.

stay tuned

[dear-ao3]

THE WAIVER HAS BEEN SIGNED

now we wait

[dear-ao3]

and now back to everyones favorite candle saga:

since our last update several of you have had some questions, which i will now answer

1. why not just freeze the wax out of the candle saph? why are you going through the process of poisoning someone else? havent you taken enough lives?

because friends and romans, we have come too far to quit now. i want to know what is in this candle. freezing the wax out would be so anticlimactic. also andie was a willing and eager participant who signed a waiver

2. could it be the tobacco scent? tobacco is a bad scent

i do not think so. brad has a few other candles that have tobacco listed as a fragrance note from notably better brands (diptyque and i think maison margella and threshold?) and he is an avid wearer of the tom ford cologne tobacco vanille. none of these things have ever induced coughing fits whatsoever. i do agree though that it could be a fragrance issue, but the actual tobacco is not the problem

3. is brad okay? i hope brad is okay. and your other friend.

brad and katya have both recovered from their candle related illnesses! brad only had one small relapse when i had to bring the candle back to my room to send it to andie

also really unrelated but idk why you all keep assuming brad and i are engaged, we are not

anyway, with these questions answered we can now move forward

andie, @femme--de--lettres, my friends, romans and countrymen, has been sleuthing (which was not part of the job description as candle guardian) and they have some exciting updates:

and, believe it or not, they did get another response from our good friend marry!!!

this is, needless to say, Interesting Information. i thoughouly scoured their website last week and the only information i found about their candle wax was that it was a """soy blend""" and so good you can "use it as lotion" which seems like a lie.

i am particularly intrigued by the sentence "the combination of raw materials is constantly changing" that sounds sketchy. and the fact that they "try to always offer the safest and best materials whenever possible." which sounds like. sometimes they do not do that and they know that.

interesting.

anywhoosies, the candle made it to andie and they are going to be unboxing it later tonight so! stay tuned!!

[dear-ao3]

alright we have several updates on this mess

andie has been burning the candle for about 15 hours inside and 10 (?) outside and has not yet died of mystery candle disease. she did some poking around in the wax with a skewer and was able to deduce that there is indeed a diamond capsule in the candle

this is where we stand now with the candle burning

next up is that andie emailed customer service two more times trying to get more information about the wax and marry (who appears to be their one customer service rep) basically just gave them the same information as the first time. it looks like we will not be getting any further with that

as per the request of you hooligans we decided to test the wax with a makeup test it that we got off of amazon. we decided to use the makeup test because it says that it works on body lotion and marry kept telling us we could use the wax as lotion. here were the results:

andie tested the wax first when it was hard and then melted and the melted results seemed more conclusive and that revealed that none of the tests came back with super high results of anything. so the wax probably doesnt have a bunch of harmful chemicals but we are not really sure since we have yet to find a quirky chemistry professor to run test results on the candle. this means that its likely the reactions may come down to fragrance or just a reaction to the wax itself and not the chemicals.

but alas friends, the best has still yet to come.

andie and i did a deep dive on the company.

like a deep deep dive.

the results of which shall be revealed Soon

stay tuned

[dear-ao3]

alright friends romans and fellow countrymen i know you all have been waiting with baited breath for the much anticipated update, considering i have at least 50 asks relating to this. but allow me to first explain why i have Not updated:

-it was mine and brads anniversary (1 year)

-i had every assignment ever due and then five more

-i got tonsils fucky illness (tonsillitis) which is not mystery candle disease

so alas. here we are. also i’m currently in delaware. crazy how these things happen, huh?

anyway did y’all know that ned fulmer is a florida man? kinda on brand, ngl

what’s that? oh. yes. i can get to the point.

the results of mine and (mostly) andie’s deep dive:

foreverwick candle co was started in good old 2017 by two students who may have possibly been attending michigan state (according to instagram and linkedin searches). these two people had the original trademark until 2021 when the trademark then went through involuntary dissolution

and you’re probably wondering what the fuck that means. i was too. luckily andie knew what it was:

so it sounds like the two founders either broke up or didn’t agree on something pretty massive. kinda funny considering the company origin story is about a couples first date.

a completely different person now has the candle company trademark. we did find his address, or an address of some sort that was possibly related to him, but it was to a trailer park in texas. sus.

one of the founders had some more trademarks registered to him that never went through, all to skincare related things. he may currently have an operational skin aloe cream something or other company. the highlight of the deep dive was andie finding the contact information for that one:

and there was also this:

we also think that the reason for all the skincare trademarks (cause there were quite a few) was because the founders originally wanted foreverwick to have a skincare component (potentially why they keep telling us you can use the candles as lotion?)

so we have no real answers. and i know this is vague but guys i am not about to get sued over a tumblr post.

we did discover tho that their candles were once featured on fox news, which is really really funny to me.

as this saga goes on, i keep ending up with more questions than answers. who’s to say what we will uncover next.

[dear-ao3]

greetings once again my friends romans and fellow countrymen. i come bearing an update. a very exciting update:

@femme--de--lettres finally unearthed the diamond capsule!!!

the diamond, as was the case with the first one, is absolutely minuscule:

currently we are trying to figure out how to test to see if the diamonds are real. i will likely take mine to the silly diamond store in the mall that i work at and see if they can test it for me, andie was thinking of a more unconventional method for theirs

just some casual diamond arson y'know. gotta keep the saga interesting as we near what very well may be the close. we will see what happens. several of you suggested trying to scratch glass with the diamond, but they are too small for that to effectively work without them flying across the room when you inevitably lose your grip.

i suppose the end of the saga is approaching. i have many more questions than answers but-

oh?

what is this??

new information that will draw this out even more????

i see.

yes, yes. i understand

oh, this will be good.

stay tuned.

[dear-ao3]

and everyone's favorite long post continues

first and very foremostly i dont know why i have three separate asks in my inbox about what the delaware post is. astounding that you know what the candle saga is and not the delaware post. but i digress.

secondly thank you to @nuri148 for consulting a mineralogist on twitter and telling us that our diamond testing methods were, at their core, silly:

also now my candle saga is on twitter. not sure how i feel about that but alas these candles do have their consequences and one of them is that this post now has 16k notes.

someone else commented that we should tell consumer product safety about the candles. not sure if that will happen yet, we want to find out whats actually in them first.

which leads me to my next point: if you or someone you know is a slightly unhinged and chaotic chemist who wants to test some candle wax, send me an ask.

and finally. andie. sweet darling wonderful @femme--de--lettres (who is still a spooky halloween girl looking for a valentines day girlfriend, i might add) decided that it would be wise to purchase 2 more accursed candles.

now i had nothing to do with this! i do not condone this behavior whatsoever! but i was curious.

andie picked out two scents:

apple cinnamon and

i will never escape this.

i would like the court to note that andie's candles were packaged FAR BETTER than mine were:

lets recall what mine looked like:

i like their addition of the "we really appreciate it!" like. i think theyre onto the saga guys. their pr team is reading this and staying updated. marry i know youre invested in my saga. please do not sue me.

anyway

there is a vast difference in pouring here.

andie chose not to scratch off the little diamond code things yet so well see how big her diamonds are.

here is the scent description for the delaware candle:

idk why they would want to go back there or why rushing river water smells like strawberries and vanilla, but at the same time i expected nothing less.

aparently tho. the icing on the cake. the delaware candle. smells like licorice.

andie, who hates licorice, then made this meme to describe her feelings on the candle:

not sure how strong flowing river water translates to licorice but alas, nothing about this company has made sense so far. and also, it aparently does not smell like licorice when it is lit.

lets all hope that andie doesnt die of candle overload.

[dear-ao3]

this is the candle saga for everyone who’s asked me about it

one day it will continue

[Abyssal Starlight]

[weirdgirlcore]

endlessly delicious and also fucking devastating to me that aziraphale and crowley's insatiable all-consuming need to protect each other at all costs is the exact thing that is tearing them apart

[weirdgirlcore]

like. they are both victims. we know this. THEY know this. but their inability to see each other as anything else is literally the exact reason they are never going to see eye to eye. even when they're fully aware of the fact the other reciprocates their feelings. crowley is protective, so protective, to the point it makes him incredibly small-minded and so quick to anger, literally a hairline trigger for blowing up at aziraphale when he senses he's put himself at any kind of risk, and it makes aziraphale feel small and stupid and only pushes him away further. his immediate response of closing ranks around them both the second he deems them being in danger only makes aziraphale feel suffocated, in the same way that heaven has been breathing down his neck for thousands of years, and it frustrates him to no end, and it's exactly how metatron managed to get his foot in the metaphorical door of aziraphale's desires at the end of this season. and aziraphale is so convinced of crowley's intrinsic goodness, so resentful of his fate on his behalf, that he literally cannot just take crowley for who he is. he's so certain that he can make things better for crowley that he's blind to the reality that all that would make crowley's circumstances better is being loved by aziraphale in the pure and simple way he's convinced is impossible. his saviour complex only makes crowley feel more broken, more undesirable, than he ever would have done had aziraphale just hated him like he was supposed to. the exact ways in which they love each other so desperately is precisely what's pulling them further apart. they just cannot stop trying to save each other. and in doing so they're ensuring that they never will. and ok, this is presumptuous as all hell, but maybe some time spent as enemies, true enemies, will be exactly what they need to finally see each other at face value. not a problem for them to solve, but a person with whom they can weather anything that may come their way, for better, or for worse. and they will face it together, instead of trying to just shoulder it all for the other out of some fucked up obligation born from guilt or pity.